Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
