dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You have to summon your inner elephant
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
