Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
