Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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