God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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