i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
