She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We had to coat check the pizza.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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