I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
