You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
