it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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