We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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