My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
