Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
