I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
