i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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