Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
