Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
