my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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