I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
