i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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