He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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