she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
