I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
