youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
