Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
