just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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