Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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