He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
