sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
