What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
