I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
