I just pynch a tree in the face
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
