Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
