I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Fuck appropriateness.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
