Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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