I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
