508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just google imaged poop.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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