you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
