hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
