I wish I could punch you in the face.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
