I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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