i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
