In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
