I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
