I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
