I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
