I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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