Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
