I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
