watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
