I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
