I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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