Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
