At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
