I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
