what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Actions speak louder than pants.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
