if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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