THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
and she was petting her beer can
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
