I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
