Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
