with your own penis?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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